In the Greek language there is more than one word that is used for love, i.e. Eros (romantic), philia (friendship) and agape (unconditional). Traditionally, greeting cards commonly connect Valentines Day only with the Eros form of love. But if you are dealing with significant losses, while you may be thankful for the Eros you’ve experienced over time, you may feel the need to dig deeper into the well of love available in your life. So let’s refocus Valentines Day as an opportunity to reflect on and celebrate the greater impact of all the forms of love in our lives.
Philia generally refers to affection between friends. From this word we have Philadelphia, the “City of Brotherly Love.” As we struggle to take care of ill loved ones, or if we have lost someone recently, this is a crucial time to build up friends and relationships that can offer us support. Many have found this kind of support in Hospice of the Pines Living with Loss groups that meet in many locales around Northern Arizona. Empathy is often found from companions who have faced losses of their own who can help us feel not so lonely on our own journeys. If you have such Philia in your life, why not use Valentines to send them a Thank You card for simply being there for you?
The third Greek word for love is agape. The meaning of this word for love points to a completely self-sacrificing love, motivated primarily by the interest and welfare of others, and is typically described as a divine form of love. When we are hurting from grief and loss in our lives, a healing step for us to practice is to reach out and practice agape. Getting our minds on helping someone else gives us a healthy perspective as well as purpose and meaning beyond our own suffering. We could use Valentines Day to reach out to those we know who have experienced recent loss or even the anniversary of loss. Most recently the earthquake in Haiti provides an easy place to help others without expecting anything in return.
As we reflect on the many forms of love in our lives, may this Valentines Day help us to discover that all of our hearts are connected and never alone, and that we can share love with others even during our own seasons of loss.
