I was unprepared for the next step to happen in my life, when my son returned from Iraq. He was ready to go back home to Nebraska for his 30 day leave when he tells me; “Mom, I think I have a sinus infection”.  I gave him something to try, but when he returned 3 weeks later he was no better.  Told him when he returned to Camp Pendleton to see the physician.  This went on for another 3 weeks when his vision became blurred, and his left eye began to protrude. Immediately he was given a CT scan of his head.  He was later diagnosed with small squamous cell carcinoma in his sinus cavity.   He underwent the surgery of 16 hours, lost his eye, and the tumor was the size of his fist.  A month later, it was back, so now he underwent 32 radiation treatments. This whole time he is also having a wife and a daughter on his mind too.  She is only 2 years old.

This was only the beginning of the emotional roller coaster I was about to journey on.  He is my first born child, he was my Valentine, being born on February 14.  He was smart, witty, funny, kind, would help anyone.  When they first discovered it, he said to me, “Mom, why is God doing this to me, I have changed my life for the better, what does he want from me?”  I stood there for a second, with no real answer that came to mind, and finally said, “Only God knows what he has in mind, and we don’t always know why the things that happen the way they do!”  This was the start of our calling each other almost every night.  When the cancer returned he then wanted to talk to me, about when the time came at the end of his life he wanted no heroic things done.  I was to work with my daughter in law, and not to extend his life any longer than needed.  He was given less than 6 months to live, which for me was so hard to know that I couldn’t do anything to help.  I had been a nurse for almost 20years, he was at my graduation, the thoughts begin of the things he use to do when he was younger, the times we worked together, and apart.  We don’t always see eye to eye with our children.

 I prayed before this, but I can tell you it increased a 100 fold.  I knew in my heart that it was out of my control, it was in God’s hand and there was nothing I could do but pray.  My heart felt like it was going to burst and any moment, the pain I felt was like know other pain I had ever felt in my life.  I couldn’t and wouldn’t let anyone help me, it was something I needed to do on my own, or I thought I didn’t. 

My son and I continued to talk almost every day, he once has to go to Iowa for a fellow Marine had died, and his parents wanted him to be at the funeral.  I knew he would be busy, so I didn’t bother him.  He called me that night and said, “What we don’t talk anymore?”   Of course I responded with, “of course we do, I just didn’t want to bother you there.”  He was having a lot of pain there, not feeling good and here I was so far away and could not be present to help him.  You know when they were children and sick and we would nurse them back to health.  The one thing my son wanted was to go home to Nebraska and see snow.  This disease continued to spread through my son’s body with no avail, like a race car racing around the track as fast as it could go.  When he got back to Nebraska, he lost his sight, another tumor was there pressing against the optic nerve.  Now here comes the radiation again, chemo to follow.  My sister would meet them when he had his chemo, and she called me that day and telling me she saw it in his eyes he was done.  He called me later, telling me he had the most wonderful doctor in the world because he didn’t hurt anymore.  He tells me it is morphine and it is wonderful.  That last Monday of his life it snowed 12 inches total, he got stuck in it 3 times.  On Wednesday of that week he finally had to go to the hospital.  I knew it was the end, how to I handle this, I don’t want to lose my baby boy, the pain increases in my heart knowing I am helpless. I have prayed for the past 7 months with no answer, the doctors can’t help anymore, he is tired.  The strong Marine was no longer strong, he had lost his strength physically, and mentally he was a fighter.  Between his wife and I we decided on Friday, we had to let him go, I can honestly say of all the decisions I have made in my life this was the hardest.  I have lost grandparents, my father, cousins, and more, but none compared to this, it is like someone has taken my breath away, my heart is beating so fast and I feel like I need to just fall to the floor.  My strength has weakened; I knew when I saw him take his last breath he was with God.  Later, the anger set in as to why could God take this child from me.  Why would you want to hurt the ones that loved him so much?  So many unanswered questions? With not very many answers!

It has been over 4 years since he has left this world; it is still difficult at times.  I do have a wonderful grand daughter that I see him in her, which is some comfort.  Nothing can take his place,   His sisters, his niece continue to say, “What would Richard say about this?”  I can honestly say that the whole time I am writing this article about him, the loss I still feel to this day.  The tears are running like a small stream, my throat tightens, it is difficult to swallow, and my nose is running, and most of all the pain I feel in my heart is still there.

I have to thank Hospice of the Pines for some of my healing; I started working there 6 months after he died.  They held a support group for me shorting after I started.  Being up here in the mountains, I feel I am as close as I am going to be to him, before I leave this world myself.  I have asked many people who have lost a child how did you do it?  They will say the same thing I am going to tell you, “There will always be a void in your heart, but remembering all of the good times, letting family and friends in to help you will help.”  It is not an easy journey, but we are stronger than we think sometimes, especially when you still have children, spouse at home with you.  Let your family and friends in, and attend a support group, I still attend one now and then when I am really having a difficult time, around the holidays tend to be the worse for me.  I don’t know what is worse, watching your child slowly die, and to lose them immediately.  I do know that no matter what it is, YOU HAVE LOST A CHILD!

Hospice Volunteering is for all ages

Every volunteer at Hospice of the Pines is Hospice Volunteer Certified.  We are extremely proud of our certification program, bringing together a variety of community speakers and trained staff to benefit our volunteer trainees.   This multidimensional approach offers an opportunity to learn about the many community resources and the expanse of perspectives available to all of us.  Our program is an eight-week course consisting of 24 hours of education in a variety of disciplines, including Hospice 101, end of life planning, spiritual/bereavement, social services, and much more.  We are especially proud to include a class devoted to utilizing the knowledge and experience of our active volunteers for the benefit of our trainees.  We also include a unique and meaningful exercise that we feel provides our volunteers with a more personal and deeper understanding of the dying process.  If you or someone you know is interested in becoming a hospice volunteer, please contact our Volunteer Coordinator.  You will be glad you did.

Benefiting Hospice of the Pines Hope and Care Foundation  
$5.00 at the door

 Performances by:

 Brandon Shepard

 Bootleggers

 Blue Steel

Distant Fury

5th Division

 Truly Reckless

 Billy Boy

Bike Run

Sign Up/Registration 9am – Run starts at 10am
$15/person-$25/couple
Includes Bike Run, Band Fest, Food, Giveaways

 Entertainment starts at 2pm

  Hot Dogs & Hamburgers will be sold to benefit Hospice of the Pines Hope and Care Foundation
  Enjoy hours of great entertainment all for a great Cause!
 For more information, call 928-772-7777
 

“Celebrating the Seasons of Change”

“As a river runs its course throughout the seasons of the year, the surrounding environment is in constant change and the journey of the river itself forever changes the surrounding environment.  As we take time to remember and honor those loved ones we have lost during the seasons of this past year, we can know that our lives have been forever changed by the life they lived and our experience of losing them.  It is important that we take time to celebrate the significance of our loved ones and to consider the changes we have experienced along our journey of this past year.  I hope that you will be able to join us in “Celebrating the Seasons of Change”.
Each year Hospice of the Pines presents a Memorial Service to celebrate the lives of those who have died.  The public is invited to attend.
 Please join us for this memorable occasion which will include music, reflection and celebration
(Light refreshments will be served.)
Date: Thursday September 23, 2010
Time: 10:30-11am Reception
Service Begins 11am-12pm
Place: Highlands Center for Natural History
1375 Walker Road
Prescott, AZ 86303
R.S.V.P. Is appreciated.  For more information, or
Assistance with transportation,
Call Hospice of the Pines
928 632-0111
Direction: Hwy 69 to Walker Rd. (Costco and Arco on the corners of Walker Rd…)  Take Walker Rd about 1.8 Miles.  The Highland Center Drive is on your left.

National Nursing Assistants’ Week provides an opportunity to foster and showcase the wonderful things that can happen for patients and their families when we work together for quality care and respect.
Hospice Aides are key players in the lives of the people in their care. Each day, more than 2,500,000 caregivers provide hands-on care to our nation’s elderly, or chronically health challenged citizens in nursing homes and other long term care settings.

Because they “stay” in care giving positions, Career Nursing Assistants provide predictability and stability to care, which in turn enhances the feeling of security for our aging, frail, or chronically challenged citizens. They bring wisdom, patience, humor, and a general attitude of caring to the daily lives of these people.

The annual observance of Career Nursing Assistants’ Day and Nursing Assistants’ Week was founded by Career Nurse Assistants Programs in 1977. Since this time, the group has expanded and has members in every state and other countries as well. This popular nursing assistant recognition program has grown to include thousands of facilities and organizations joining together each year to recognize and honor nursing assistants.

Thank you for the wonderful job you do for our patients and families!

As human beings we procrastinate.  Especially when it comes to dealing with issues we are uncomfortable with such as death. When we become terminally ill or the end of life is near, we can no longer delay and we must make important decisions to put our life in order and to protect the ones we love after we have departed.

There are several items that need to be complete.  Let’s look at the list:

1.      Health Care Directive or Living Will

It is very important to have this in order so that it will reflect the medical care that you do and do not want to receive. Keep it simple so that it does not become a guessing game as to what your intentions are for those that will be carrying out your wishes.  Make sure that you choose a person (proxy) that you trust to make decisions for you should you become incapacitated.  Make duplications of the original and make sure that your primary care physician and your proxy each have a copy.

2.      Durable Power of Attorney

Okay, this one is important!  This goes into effect while you are still alive and it can turn over control of your entire financial situation to someone else.  This document contains the most potential for abuse so you need to carefully consider who you select. You can make this document as broad or narrow as you wish.  It is best to make this tailored to meet your specific needs and try to avoid using a one-size fits all form.  There are four items that must be included. First, you must include who you want to be the Durable of Power of Attorney.  

 It is advisable to have a successor.  The second thing you must do is name the Attorney-in-Fact and again it is advisable to have a back up person. The third item needs to be very specific, and in this case, more detailed because this is the area in which you state the powers you are granting. Make sure you make it clear, especially when dealing with gifts and retirement accounts.  Finally, you need to decide if this is an Immediate Durable Power of Attorney or a Springing Durable Power of Attorney that will only take effect should you become physically or mentally incapacitated.

3.      Beneficiary Designations

It is very important that you make sure that all of your beneficiary designations are up to date for any life insurance policies, annuities or retirement accounts.  If you have created a joint account for an asset to make things easier, but did want to leave that asset to that same person, you can use the Durable Power of Attorney or a Living Trust to pass the asset to the person/s that you request.

4.      Wills

Everyone needs a will….if you do not have one, make sure you put one in place.  Again, carefully select who you want to be the Executor.  If you already have one in place, review it and make sure that it is in proper order and the beneficiaries still are in alignment with your wishes.

5.      Planning Your Funeral

It is your day, plan it the way you want it! Be sure to make all your wishes clear.  You can prepay a funeral home and plan everything yourself so it is exactly what you want.

6.      Organ Donation

Donating your organs is one the greatest gifts of all….for someone else gets a chance to live!  You may also donate your body to a medical school of your choice.  Make sure to fill out a declaration of anatomical gift form and be sure that your family members and your physician are aware of your wishes.

7.      A Will to Live By

This is not a legal document. Your Will passes along your possessions, however, your Will to Live By, passes along something even more valuable, your principles and values.  On a personal note, I never realized how much this meant until my own father passed away.  My mother came across a letter addressed to his children and it contained the wishes he had for us.  My father was a very spiritual person and he expressed in words the kind of people he hoped we would be.  My mother had it beautifully printed and framed with a picture of him and it is next to my bed so that every evening I can read it and remember what is really important and it gives me a chance to reflect on my own life to be sure that it aligns with my values.  This one letter will be passed on and will hopefully serve as an inspiration and guide for future generations.

This whole process will force you to ask yourself important questions such as; what are your assets?  What is the approximate value?  Who do you want to have these assets and who will best manage them for you?  If you are passing investments along, does your spouse or children understand them?  Should you move your assets somewhere that will be easier for them to manage?  Are your children spendthrifts?  Do you want to control your assets from the grave to insure that it will last their lifetime?  And, after you die, what do you want to happen?

Finally, do you currently have enough available liquid assets at this time in your life?  If not, you may consider accessing your life insurance policy if you have accelerated benefits or selling your policy to a Settlement company to provide necessary cash.   Here are some websites that may be helpful:  www.organdonor.gov, www.uslivingwillregistry.com and www.naela.org.   Once you have put your house in order, you truly will be able to rest in peace.

Christine Carlton

www.carltonfinancialinc.com

807 Cove Parkway
Cottonwood, AZ 86326-6515
(928) 649-1254

Hospice of the Pines does not endorse the above writer. This is for resource and informational purposes only.

The winners of the first quarter for 2010 go to Adam  and Jennifer.

Thank you for your oustanding contribution!

 Adam is our Bereavement Coordinator. His outstanding contribution is for the excellent customer service he gives to his co-workers, patients, families, and our community.

Jennifer is one of our hospice nurses. She submitted an idea that helped improve the quality of our hospice program. She put her two cents in with a great suggestion.

“An Evening with Movie Classics” Charity Dinner

Hosted by Hospice of the Pines for The Hope and Care Foundation

 May 15, 2010

We sincerely thank you for your donation to the Hope and Care Foundation  and your continued support in our efforts to raise funds for individuals and service organizations in need throughout our community.

A Good Yarn    
Ace Hardware    
Arizona Grand Medical Center   
Bradshaw Home Medical   
Bucky’s Casinos   
Cable One   
CoCo’s   
Computime   
DeLovely   
Domestic Enterprises   
Don & Charlie’s   
Dr. and Mrs. Bhowra   
Dr. Cory Krueger   
Dr. Moyer   
EZ Sleep Lab   
Freedom Station   
Fry’s Prescott Valley   
Gaston Jewelers Phoenix   
Gold Canyon Candles (Renee Anderson)   
Hair Station 105   
Hampton Inn Prescott Valley   
Heritage Mortuary    
Heritage Park  Zoo   
Honey Baked Ham   
Hospice of the Pines   
IIAM   
Janice Paul   
KAHM   
Lia Sophia Jewelry (Marisa Abel)   
Llama House Boutique   
Lobstein Ranch   
Mary Ellen Dyer   
Matt Santos   
Maureen Hawkins   
Medline   
Mikrut Therapy   
Mountain Top Quilters   
Moutain Ink   
Mr. and Mrs. Lee Brueckel   
Nyla D’ Salon and Boutique   
Oil Can Henry’s   
Olive Garden   
One Point   
Outback Steakhouse   
Prescott Brewing Co.   
Prescott Chamber   
Prescott Flower Shop   
Prescott Resort   
Prescott True Value Hardware   
Prime Care Hospice   
Realty Executives   
Residence Inn Marriott   
Rite Nails   
Rose Restaurant   
Royal Palms Resort and Spa   
Safeway Prescott Valley   
St. Croix Scottsdale   
Szechuan/Sedona   
Ted Craft   
Treat Center on Courthouse Square   

Hospice Continuing Education

SCHEDULE OF SPEAKERS FOR VOLUNTEER CLASSES
                                                   2010

These educational sessions are open to the public, volunteers and staff at Hospice of the Pines.  You will receive a certificate of attendance and contact hours upon request. It is helpful to let us know you are planning to attend so materials are available. If you are interesting in obtaining volunteer certification, you must attend the entire session. See the Volunteer section of this web site for more specific information, including times and location.

Session 2 – End of Life Planning – August 24
 9:00 – 10:00     Linda Olson -  Biological Resources
 10:00 – 11:00   Larry Webster (volunteer) – Five Wishes presentation
 

Session 4 – Help in the Home –  September 7
 9:00 – 10:00:     Cindy Lewis – Caring Presence
 

Session 5 – Clinical Services – September 14
 9:00 – 10:00:      Bradshaw Home Medical Equipment

Bereavement/Spiritual – September 21
 9:00 – 10:00     Serah Blain – Secular Humanism (member of Unitarian
                                                            Universalist Church)
 
Family and Social Needs – September 28
 9:00 – 10:00     Jean Littlehale – Catholic Charities